The Healthcare Debate Simplified
Note: In an attempt to clear any possible confusion, I want to point out the letters at the beginning of each section: They mean something. Amid all the fuss and petty name calling with the healthcare debate, I sought a different way of framing our current situation instead of a boring, straightforward post. (Yes, this is the equivalent of explaining a joke, which, in turn, takes out the fun for those who immediately catch on.)
A.) Hello. My name is Adam Current and I hate America. I believe healthcare should be left up to those who can afford it, meaning only the rich deserve medical attention. However, since I am not employed full-time, I am an ignorant fool who works against my own best interest. I voted for McCain.
B.) Hello. My name is Adam Current and I love America. I believe that is healthcare is a fundamental right, as covered by the Preamble to the Constitution, and every American should have equal access to it. I think that huge CEO profits are wrong, and the government should regulate how much they make. After all, it’s not fair that they’re rich and I’m not! However, as those simpleminded wingnuts tell it, since I want everyone to have equal benefits, I support communism. I voted for Obama.
C.) Hello. My name is Adam Current and I love America. I believe as Americans, we possess the fundamental right to control our own destiny; whether that means we fail by hard work, succeed by hard work, fail by being lazy, or succeed via inheritance. With this right comes the recognition that life is not fair, and that the government should not make up for its inequities. If there are some that cannot afford healthcare, I truly feel for them, but it our job to keep the government alive; NOT the other way around!
A1.) Don’t you just hate how those darned liberals want to control everything? With global warming they can tell us what we can build, what we can eat, and how much our cows can fart. And now, with healthcare, they want to tell us what doctors we can see! Crazy left wing loons! I want to keep my gun and current doctor. If those illegals are sick, tell them to go to the stinking ER! Besides, people from countries with universal healthcare come here for care. How is our system broken again? I’ll tell you. The system is not broken: The liberals simply want to control our lives. Too bad the Baracktards—I mean, the majority—is ignorant of this fact. Dipwads.
B1.) Why does the GOP hate America? It’s one thing to deny Global Warming so big corporations can flourish, but to deny their fellow countrymen healthcare?! Those bigots are happily handing out death sentences! If they truly loved our country, they would fight so it’s sick citizens could see the doctor. But all they care about is hating gays and boning Palin. If they had a brain at all, they would make darned sure that even illegal immigrants have equal access to a doctor. Our system IS in a state of crisis. Darn them to hell! (But in a metaphorical sense, because I’m tolerant of everyone.)
C1.) <sarcasm> Clearly Town Hall protesters are planted by big businesses. No one in their right mind would disagree with our Dear Leader! </sarcasm> Here come the insults.
A2.) Liberals: Apologizing for America while bringing the crappiness of Europe to the States. What’s next? Legalized marijuana to help California get out its budget crisis? I bet that would be an Amsterdam good time! Oh wait…
B2.) Conservatives: Lowering taxes only to complain when their roads crumble. What’s next? Complaining that government is the problem so they can be reelected? Next thing you know, one of them will be resigning from office because they hate the government, only to run for the Presidency in 2012. Only Palin would be stupid enough to do that. Oh wait…
C2.) Wait, aren’t both parties corrupt? I bet those attacks are leading into something bigger…
B3.) I got it! An ad campaign linking a rich insurance executive with the average, poor, stupid, misinformed, redneck Rethug! Brilliant! Our base will eat it up! Just like those ads in Florida during the election, trying to tell the Hispanics that Rush Limbaugh hates them. Can you say Huff Po piece?
C3.) Commercials. I hate it when I’m right.
A3.) THIS JUST IN! CANADA’S SOCIALISTIC HEALTHCARE SYSTEM IS COMING SOUTH! LIBERALS ARE TRYING TO EXPAND ABORTION COVERAGE! GRAB THE TIN FOIL!
C4.) Oh brother. Now they’re actually going to think about their bogus attacks.
A4.) Hold on a second: What does the insurance executive have to do with my mother? My mother voted McCain but isn’t rich! She just works really really hard to pay for her insurance. Why do those darn liberals keep attacking success? I’m beginning to think they hate anyone who makes a lot of money… except for themselves!
B4.) Hold on a second: We distinctly said that healthcare reform would be a distinctly American solution. We are NOT advocating for exclusively European or Canadian Socialism. The next thing you know those darn Jesus-loving gay-haters will be singing “Blame Canada!” and standing up for the rich man.
C5.) Hey! What happened to the debate?
B5.) Darn those intolerant Cro-Magnon racist bigoted gay hating Conservatives!
A5.) Retarded reverse-racist hypocritical intolerant Liberals!
C6.) And I thought we were actually going to discuss this. If only those no good politicians could be paid minimum wage and put on the very healthcare they are advocating. THEN we might see some real change.
“I lift up my eyes to the hills—where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.” Psalm 121:1-2
Sounds simple enough...
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